Anonymous asked: in the process of becoming such an amazing artist, did you ever feel like no one really liked what you did? sorry for such a depressing question i just need some conformation that i might maybe be able to be good someday
I’d debate the being an amazing artist (I have a long long way to go! but thank you very much for the kindness), but to answer your question; absolutely! I have felt that people outright hated my work on various occasions, and not just any people- my teachers! I was very lucky for most of my education, with tough but fair tutors, but at one very critical stage of my education I had a bad run and it was very poisonous for me and my art; my work was called “indulgent” and “commercial” and I was frequently told that I was over ambitious and “trying too hard”. I still have bad reactions to those first two words even now- although I’ve come to learn that sometimes they can be meant positively, I don’t think I’ll get past the negative association with those terms
the worst was probably the ‘trying too hard’ insult- because why is that an insult? trying to do the best you can? that’s a bad thing? apparently it can be seen as that, and by people who are supposed to be extracting the best from you, no less! it took me a long time to get my head around, largely because I had convinced myself that they were right, because teachers always know best (and before then they usually had, so I trusted them by default)
months after graduating by the skin of my teeth I had a short conversation with my mother (former psychiatrist) after a startling revelation that I had been depressed- she agreed. I had no idea at the time, and in hindsight it’s staggering that I didn’t, but that’s what I was, and that will be a part of me forever, and that, as they say, is that
recovering from depression was a struggle, but it was during that stage that I started to notice the work that I had made in that time which I still liked was the stuff which I had made for myself- the stuff I just wanted to draw and drew for the hell of it, and it didn’t just make me happy either! it seemed to be that specific stuff that most other people enjoyed too!
it can be hard to find a balance between accepting critique and holding true to your own vision, but it is possible, and while I’m still learning and hope I will continue to for the rest of my life I know that the best stories I have written have been the ones that I have wanted to read myself; the same with drawings, the same with everything
learning to love yourself and your work is a lifelong task and it’s all too easy to fall off the train even if you’ve found the railroad, but keep at it, and don’t forget to listen to your gut! instincts are an under-rated asset and they haven’t failed me yet- if anything, the times that I have failed have been when I’ve ignored that little voice or the unexplainable twinge that was telling me to do something else
so yeah, TL:DR I absolutely have felt like that, but I have come to terms with the fact that it isn’t as important as being happy with the work myself
