Okay so you’re joking but I’m not because I remember it and it was during my first year of secondary school which would make me eleven years old.

Biology class, first term: we are all getting to know each other still and today we’re doing genetics- the teacher asks us to separate into groups according to our eye colour, pointing to different corners of the room for brown, grey, green etc. etc.

I, blithe and unsuspecting, wander up to the ‘blue’ corner, being of exceedingly blonde hair, freckle-specked chalk complection and (up to that point in time) thinking that I most definitely had blue eyes.

The blue eyes do not agree; “you have grey eyes, go to the grey eyes group.”

The grey eyes do not agree; “you have green eyes, go to the green eyes group!”

The green eyes then inform me that I have blue eyes and the net result of this exercise was that I, of eleven tender years and no particular intrinsic attatchment to the colours blue or grey or green am left, stranded in the middle of the room like a lone chicken sandwich at a vegetarian buffet. The other groups have by this point solidified, making my abandonment all the more excrutiating, whilst internally my brain begins to fervently question all the other things I thought I was very sure of about myself and how likely it was that I was just as wrong about those things, and perhaps in that case I wasn’t anything at all like I thought I was and who exactly was I anyway?

I am asked, sternly, why I am still stood in the middle of the classroom by the teacher and promptly burst into tears.

I still do not know what colour my eyes are, and to this day I have never found any two people who agree on the subject, the end!