Posting a copy of the letter beneath the cut ‘cause you asked

I’m gonna do it I stg

Dear Mr. Nye,

I have a very serious theory to propose to you and as a cartoonist I am, of course, eminently qualified to do so. I am also certain that you are working much too hard on everything and could use a decent laugh, so here you go;

VERY SERIOUS SCIENCE THEORY (Warning; Extremely serious scientific theory ahead, only read if you are extremely serious. About theories. And science.)

In the course of my studies I have often observed how cartoons have little to no regard of the rules of physics and indeed often exhibit the ability to manipulate space (see exhibits A and B, pertaining to Felix the Cat’s notorious ‘magical bag’ and the 'portable hole’ witnessed in multiple situations, notably Who Framed Roger Rabbit and Yellow Submarine), and time (exhibit C regarding episode 111 of The Amazing World of Gumball “The Countdown”, in which the protagonists break a countdown timer and, therefore, time itself). Naturally this lends my extremely serious, scientific mind to wonder; can a cartoon manipulate space-time? And, if so, how?

Next I would like you to consider mass. In the age old classroom demonstration of the fabric of space-time a person will place an apple onto a stretched-out sheet of cloth. The apple causes a distortion in the fabric, just as any object with mass distorts the fabric of space-time. If one were to place a sheet of paper on the cloth, however, the cloth would be largely unaffected due to the increased surface area, even if the paper had the same mass as the apple or a very nice picture of an apple printed on it. Of course, if something with zero mass at all were placed upon the sheet of fabric, it would not be distorted at all (unless the scientist holding the piece of cloth sneezed but that is a different matter altogether).

Here I would like to raise the issue of spaghettification as proposed by Mr. Hawking. This theory suggests that, when within the event horizon of a black hole, an object or person approaching singularity would become incredibly stretched and long and really wouldn’t look very healthy afterwards even if you could get them back out of the black hole, which you could not. This 'Noodle Effect’ results from the gravitational gradient acting upon the approaching object- this, however, presumably relies upon the impending object having a mass in the first place.

The vital question is; does a true 2D object, or indeed, person, have a mass?

What if, in fact, the effect of being stretched out is not merely an unfortunate consequence of the extreme forces exerted by a black hole, but that exact and absolute 'flatness’ is the required natural state of an object in order for it to pass through a black hole. Just as being sucked into the vacuum of space is not terribly desirable, it is merely the result of the natural state of things abhorring the emptiness of the vacuum, and not the unlucky astronaut who forgot to seal the airlock. A black hole will attempt to reduce anything approaching into as near a two-dimensional state as it can, but as this does not particularly benefit three-dimensional creations (much as a mangle would not benefit the metaphorical apple) we have struck upon the idea that approaching a black hole would be impossible without dire results. It has long been speculated that teleportation and time travel would only be possible by means of the extreme distortion of space-time; but we have long been beaten to the finish line. While the effects of approaching a black hole would, to us, be an entirely unpleasant experience, one suspects that the contents of Felix’s magical bag would cause a similar result. Consequently it is all too easy to suppose that approaching a black hole would, to a cartoon, be about as menacing a prospect as opening a door.

Cartoons, clearly, are several years ahead of us in space-time theory, and thus I propose it of great import that the scientific community consider incorporating one or two into the workforce of their space and time travel research units. Indeed, we have been so slow that it is apparent that some are making their own attempts at projective transformation to covert their state into a three-dimensional existence for want of patience with waiting for us, such as Bill Cipher of Gravity Falls (see fig. 4). Whether or not this will be to the benefit of mankind or lead to its ultimate destruction is somewhat uncertain, but, as there is evidently little that such simple creatures as ourselves can do to prevent it, we shall simply have to wait and see. The nature of cartoons, however, suggests that three-dimensional logic is a faculty not well understood by two-dimensional beings, as what is logical to them would often be fatal to us (refer to numerous survivals of 'flattening’ incidents involving anvils, pianos, boulders etc.). Equally, one might suppose that there would be some features of three-dimensional existence that would be fatal to a person of two-dimensional origins (for example; sincerity, futility, politics etc.), but this is mere speculation.

Clearly it is time that we set aside our pride and learned from our betters. In the aim of furthering our understanding of the universe, and potentially gleaning knowledge regarding methods of space-time manipulation from these hitherto untapped sources, I strongly urge the scientific community to consider seeking out a method of converting three-dimensional persons to two-dimensional objects, and would be happy to personally volunteer as a human test subject. After all, who wouldn’t?

Many regards and best compliments to you and your outstanding collection of bow-ties,

S. Jolley (O.B.E., A.B.C., Q.E.D., 1.2.3.)