Six things about my hometown:

1) I come from a dinky little town called Altrincham, and I have no idea why it isn’t spelled Altringham like it ought to be, but I suppose that’s the sort of place it is. It’s sort of in Cheshire and sort of in Greater Manchester but really in Trafford, so it has a split personality; half countryside, half city and mostly rural suburbia. It evidently rubbed off on me.

2) Altrincham is where all the posh footballers and their posh wives go to live because it’s pleasant and peaceful but still near to Manchester. Unfortunately this means the rest of us common folk have to put up with their idiot posh cars and idiot posh kids.

3) I worked at Dunham Massey, a large manor house on the outskirts of the town, for my work experience, which involved tending to the deer in the park and dressing up as a Victorian scullery maid to show kids around. I sucked at being a scullery maid so much that I spilled the cream and they even had to change my name to Sally for the week because “Sarah is too upper class”.

4) People have dug up all sorts of historical finds in Altrincham; archeologists discovered Neolithic arrow heads not far from where I live, and there has been a lot of talk that people have lived in the area since prehistoric times for its fertile soil. Of course, if you talk to most of the locals, you can see the idea of neanderthals living in the area is pretty easy to believe.

5) Altrincham is very pretty, but has the grottiest station on the metro line, which is an electric tram line that runs from Altrincham, through Manchester and on to Bury, which is pretty embarrassing.

6) It is incredibly boring and quiet and green. There are no hurricanes, earthquakes, twisters or volcanoes. No man eating badgers or poisonous woodlice, no vampires or monsters or gorillas (that I’ve encountered), no giant robots or big important buildings or exciting underground lairs for surviving the nuclear apocalypse, and I love it very, very much indeed.